Seriously, I have never, EVER, met a birth mother (and I've met thousands of all ages) that doesn't love or want their birth child. In fact, most of them desperately WANT a relationship. They desperately want to know them. Yes there are some that maybe don't want a relationship with them now (for whatever reason), but that doesn't mean that at the time they placed they didn't want them or love them.
One of the worst things that comes our of this stereotype is adoptive parents trying to "protect" their child from the birth parents. Mostly? Because of fear, jealously, feelings of "I'm their parent now, not them".
And, the worst thing you can think about a birth parent is they are "selective parenting" (I heard this phrase today, told to a fellow birth mom but her daughter's adoptive parents). *insert blood boiling here*. Selective parenting? So, we birth moms take one look at the baby and think "naw I don't want you.. we'll see if I like the next one though"? Really? Or worse, are we birth parents supposed to NEVER have another child in life because we placed one (or more) child/ren when we weren't in a position to care for that child?! And that makes us selective, unworthy to have more children, and unworthy to have a relationship with our child that we lovingly placed with you? That is bull****. Seriously. It is ridiculous.
Let me tell you the truth, plain and simple. We LOVE our birth child more than life itself. We wanted them so much. In fact, I'm sure it crossed out minds many times during our pregnancy and labor to try and keep that baby, and not place it. To try and find a way to make it possible to keep that beautiful baby growing inside us. And having a birth mom in their lives, give them one more person who loves them, who cheers for them, who supports them. It give that child one more person to help guide them through this life successfully, and give them someone else they can turn to in times they need it - just like a teacher, or coach, or church leader, or grandparent, or aunt/uncle. Having a birth mom in their SHOWS THEM that they were NOT unwanted or unloved, but in fact they were LOVED more than anything and wanted so desperately, and they are STILL loved, and STILL wanted.
Removing a birth mom from their lives perpetuates the stereotypes. It tells the child that they may have been unloved and unwanted, why else would you parents need to "protect" the child from their birth parents? It perpetuates the stereotype that birth moms aren't worthy to be in their lives, and that they simply aren't good enough to be in their lives It perpetuates the stereotype that there is something wrong with the birth mom, and that the birth child was at fault for their adoption.
Adoptive parents, please think about these things before removing a birth parent from the relationship. Make love win. Chose love, not fear.
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