Birth Moms, this was for them...

I just posted about how infuriated I was at some adoptive parents for closing adoptions. Now, I want to speak to birth moms.

Please remember, I AM a birth mom, and I am just playing devils advocate for both sides. Yes?

Ok. So... think back to when you were pregnant. Why did you choose adoption? Probably one of the many answers is "to give your baby their best chance" or some variation of that. You painstakingly chose who you thought would be the perfect couple for your child. You went through agony and beyond for your child. Everything you did was for your child.

Now, what happens if you are faced with your baby's parents closing the adoption, and breaking their promises to you (for whatever reason)? Essentially, you can do nothing. Communicate your wishes and desires with them in the most loving and calm way possible, remind them of their promises, and that you believe open adoption is best for your guys' child. Communication is key. Is there another option than complete closure? Maybe instead of direct contact there can be indirect (like a blog, or letters, or emails, etc) so you are able to watch them grow up, even if from afar. What if they still chose to close it?

You have to trust. You chose the for your child, not necessarily for you. You chose them to be the parents of your child and to raise them in the best possible way they could. Now you just have to trust them to do that. Remember that they have the baby's best interest at heart too. And chances are they will do an amazing job. You did this for the baby, and you must take comfort that the adoptive parents are just doing what they think is best for the baby as well, even if it means taking you out of the picture for now.

All you can do is wait. Wait for the child to be old enough for you to contact them. Wait for them to contact you. Write letters to them, and either send them or keep them in a box so one day you can give it to them, and you can tell them "I never forgot you".

The pain will be there. It will hurt. There will be tears. But remember, you didn't do this for you, you did it for them. And as hard as it will be to move forward without knowing their life, trust in the original resolve that you made the best decision you could for them. And trust that their parents will give them that life.

And remember, there are other birth moms out there, who can and will be there for you, to take you in their embrace and stand with you when you are too weak to stand. Seek the positive, not the negative. Seek the uplifting, not the tearing down. Be kind to others who have a different story than you, and love, for that is what adoption is about - love.

Most importantly, Be a woman who is worthy to one day meet her child. Don't go down the dark path anger can bring. Live your life to be worthy of your child. Someone they would be proud to one day meet.